JRC's Epsom epistle 

WE may remember that after a very successful Royal Ascot - you would

have made £113.33 if you had had a tenner on his tips - our Junior

Racing Advisor said he would be back for the Derby.

He is, as you know by now, a man who walks alone.  

Some say he has degrees in subjects only he can spell, and that his hair and fingernails have reached the height of perfection so they have stopped growing.

Well, we have spent the week in anticipation of his phone call, but as yet it has not come. Has he forgotten us, or does he not know what is going to win? We could believe the former, but not the latter.

We were crestfallen, until we remembered a letter which arrived on Tuesday. The handwriting was distinctly gothic and it bore a stamp we had never seen before. Then we remembered, it was not delivered by the normal postman, but seemed to be blown here on the lightest of winds.

Could it be the communication we have been waiting for? It has been in quarantine for three days but still felt warm when we opened it.

Inside were two cards, one with a picture Vladimir Putin, the other Julius Caesar. What could this mean? Then we looked down the list of Derby runners - it could not be English King, or Highland Chief but RUSSIAN EMPEROR seems to fit.